How to Survive Life by Only Watching TV.

1.Choice of Television.

One which doesn’t give off so much radiation. That shortens your lifespan dramatically. These are the ones to avoid. My theory is the bigger the TV the better likelihood of producing offspring as smaller TVs focus those bad waves straight at the face. While the better quality large TV have a larger surface area so not so much of the radiation is on you and much more on your enemies (as your enemies are always right behind you stalking and are to blame for all your unexplainable tripping on flat surfaces).

2. Comfy Seat.

From love couches, bean bags, and spinning desk chairs with an armrest. Once you are sold with the sweet spot you’ve discovered, mark it with a sharpie because once you lose it, you never ever find it again. The couch will appreciate the new tattoo. Now he won’t seem like such a softy to the ladies.

3. Sustenance.

Get the yummy tasting food. If you decide to live the health junkie life style that supposedly increases life expectancy, lets face the truth, you will end up killing yourself for that choice. We need our daily dose of chocolate cake, chocolate bars, and our beloved chocolate milk which create the beautiful chocolate milk mustaches.

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9 thoughts on “How to Survive Life by Only Watching TV.

  1. 4. Attire.

    Pajamas are great, but you never know when the doorbell will ring. And answering the front door in bedroom attire can be, well, deflating…. and with it comes reams of explanation. So I suggest Sponge Bob Boxers and a clean white t-shirt. Fun, comfortable and a real conversation starter.

  2. 5. Soda Pop.

    Diet Mountain Dew is the obvious. But I digress…. a good Jones Orange Cream, mixed with a splash of “coffee cubano” for the caffeine… Priceless.

    • Great suggestions.(: I’m sure those who are planning to live life by filling it with endless hours of marathons on Bravo, TBS, History Channel and other networks (whatever floats your rubber ducky) will appreciate your contribution to this “How To” which I am happy to expand. But I am sure those coming and ringing the bell are in their own Patrick boxers and White T-Shirt hoping their friend, with the same lifestyle, will allow Patrick boxers to stay the night as he fears of a poltergeist infestation. And in the course of following these tidbits, a priceless lifestyle is most definitely to result.

  3. I can’t quit you…. ‘for you’ve used the single most, greatest word the English masters of yore ever deemed up… “Infestation.”

    Without a quick google search or IMDB scan, I’m pretty sure “Infestation” is ours to be used as a title. How shall we proceed?

    Short story? Film? Poem? It really doesn’t matter, for once the masses read the banner headline… “Infestation,” they will be hooked.

    My mind is racing.. infestation… so full or imagery.

    • Sadly, I suppose you have not been granted that power. I am the ruler here when it comes to editing comments, on this blog at least. I COULD fix it and make the typo disappear and so would the additional comment made correcting the typo as its services would no longer be needed and would actually seem rather odd to be kept. Yet, I’ve decided to keep the error there as you have just brought light to a fault. There should be an edit ability for not just myself. I will surely become corrupt with power!

  4. Power corrupts none so meekly…

    No, that’s not it.

    Power corrupts all come seeking…

    No, still not right.

    Power Corrupts those whom are freaky…

    Nope. Still not right. How does that quote go?

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