THREE…TWO…ONE… We’re still ali-*BOOM*

Just like Homer, the human race goes "D'OH!" after one too many plates of food.

Buffets consist of three main types of foods:

  • Eating food
  • Wasting food
  • Sneak in your mom’s purse food

The point at which you know its best to wire your mouth shut so to halt your hands from stuffing the mountains of food that it has gathered on your plate into it is when you realize it is the necessary method to keep all the food from coming back up “the road”, as it seems they changed their mind after seeing all the “traffic”.

Side effects of buffets are the following:

  • The inability to get out of chair and walk to your car (Though, a walk to the source of food is still miraculously possible)
  • Extreme sleepiness
  • In about two hours, hunger
  • The need to stand in line and wait for the green-light to enter of the very exclusive “Le Lavatory”
  • The ability to pass as a pregnant women or man (Ugh, those embarrassing stretch mark…commercials)
  • Traumatic flashbacks such as when searching for the food you were wanting a refill in was out and being forced to wait 15 minutes
  • Terrifying nightmares on being discovered that you lied about your age so you didn’t have to pay the adults fee or being discovered taking food home.
  • Mother’s purse smells like ribs and cheese cake, Yum!
  • The need to change clothes because you have reached and exceeded the number of maximum stains that are permissible as still clean to one’s personal standards
  • Petting one’s stomach to calm it down like it were a murderer with as thirst for blood and you, the hero, attempting to save numerous lives by soothing the murderers savage soul
  • Feeling like your about to explode and become a firework made from your organ system

Looking past these bullet points that can be viewed as both negative and positive, lets be grateful that we have the ability to surpass full on our stomach’s gauge. Lets be appreciative for the ability to use figurative language to connect our side-effects of over-consumption to things we have no actual experience to say it is true and, in fact,  it feels like said comparison. We can walk across rows and piles of food that all want to be picked and introduced to your lovely stomach acids. Are we guilty on the charges of committing foodicide? No, this practice is eternal bliss to the taste-buds.

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4 thoughts on “THREE…TWO…ONE… We’re still ali-*BOOM*

    • My post’s mission is complete.(:
      I take deserts to fulfill that 2hrs hunger I get later. Cake, Chocolate. Two slices. (Buffet rules still apply at home I believe since it is buffet food) I find my self stuffing big bites of food on my way out the door, only then do I feel like I had the “Buffet Experience”. (Therefore, my own mission is complete)
      P.S: I’ve never been to Brazilian Buffet. Sounds delicious!(:

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