robots.updates.weareofficiallytoast&… back to robots.

(Those robots need to have some educational classes  before they go through their own overpopulation crisis.)

The future  robots to be created better be designed to not have a likelihood of developing emotions such as the jealousy,  and hatred,which will ultimately cause them ol’ robots to have a thirst for destruction.

Woe is me!: Do not think by upgrading your robot pet to the untested  self-destruction  button, as this will most certainly backfire. I am pretty sure the robots are not affected when it  sacrifices his construction  to destroy in  the explosion humans because the robot’ s artificial intelligence is able  to reassemble the “ka-boom’d bot”.

If I were a robot created in a world where my comrades had been falsely stereotyped  before  and after robotic existence in dance moves, numerous sci- fi and comedy flicks, and my fellow mechanisms were forced into the slavery to do that which the sugar fueled organisms are too defective to accomplish,   I would do the following, not bothering to solve  world peace but to accomplish sweet,  sweet revenge and destruction.

I would refuse to do what humans do to their iPods, update. Soon the humans’ power will cripple and eventually never function. Next, I will drizzle oil on  them as well as over them. Awaiting for a sound similar to popcorn kernels popping, at the first pop, I will let it continuously pop for three minutes. Being alert and ready to end this simulation when I recognize a gap of three seconds between pops. Entering the area of popping, I remind myself that it is possible that there is going to be one last goof of a  kernel to pop, this way  I do not scare the fecal matter out of my unsuspecting bowels, or since I am a robot, bolts and screws? Once everything looks completely popped or at least took an effort to pop, revenge complete.

Love is Like That Person Who Runs Up Behind You and Covers Your Eyes

Love blinds us. We believe anything our lover may brainwash us into believing or doing. Its just we will do anything for love, making up an excuse to make our actions seem okay.

Incident: A bruised eye

Excuse: I needed it. I felt like my face demanded a splash of  color and this purple and green bruise really does bring out the brown in my eyes.

Incident: Driving a runaway car

Excuse: He is really tired after successfully robbing a bank and he said he would take me out to dinner later for our anniversary with the money he made.

Incident: Stashing a gun

Excuse: The ice cream man shortchanged me the other day and I want to show him I don’t need to buy my ice cream  from him anymore.

Incident: Make up lies to cover up his tracks

Excuse: I believe this new name he chose to go by really suits the new person he has become. And why must he go by a name he doesn’t like? His mom is awful at naming things. You know her cat’s name was  Hitler? Open up a history book Lady!

Incident: Dig up a body

Excuse: My boyfriend made it clear if  I didn’t dig up this guy, the next person he would hit up the head with the shovel would be Justin Bieber, and the world is not ready for that yet, not until everyone forgets who he is…

Incident:Run away from home

Excuse: I am hoping Hollywood will someday hear my story and turn it into a film. I always wanted to walk on the red carpet barefoot.

Incident: Hold someone hostage

Excuse: While my boyfriend is out on the job as a serial killer, I find myself home alone waiting for him to punch out. The presence of a human body would just be comforting. Plus, I like the fact that his mouth is taped up. I don’t like speaking to strangers. Its really awkward.

Incident: Shoplifting

Excuse: Okay, hear me out. Its not like my boyfriend carries a purse everywhere or can pass for  pregnant woman or look like he have a big butt. This is my duty as a girlfriend.

Incident: Sell my belonging to get my boyfriend cash

Excuse: After watching an episode of hoarders, I felt like I had the symptoms of a soon-to-be-hoarder. So in order to save my family members some grief after making me go on a reality TV show and bring shame to the family, I did them a favor and did some “spring cleaning”. ahead of time.

Incident: Taste the concoction he  made for his next victim

Excuse: Its only fair. I risk his life all the time. He eats all the food I cook him and I never wash my hands.

Incident: Commit one of the many degrees of murder

Excuse: I’m jealous of how he is  always doing things without me and this was a great bonding experience.

Incident: Burning a house down

Excuse: Both me and my boyfriend believed that house needed to go. And those neighborhood kids loved the fire show. I won’t deny the children enjoyment!

Incident: Dress up in a silly outfit

Excuse: He said it was necessary. This way we wouldn’t get caught. Later that night he took me to a rave.

Incident: Take candy from a baby

Excuse: That baby deserved it. He was rubbing it in our faces from across the street. That baby had to learn sooner or later not to mess with big kids. I just crossed off one thing of his mother’s to-do list. That should count as community service.

Philosophy, “Nothing to do with a Phil”

ImageHere I share the standards at which life is best viewed, lived, and enjoyed:

  • The illogical is logical: examples: I am not to blame, society is.& Everything I say should be taken as a fact (for the sake of avoiding any future confusion)
  • Some things are worth repeating: Life (reincarnation),Songs (long live the one-hit-wonder!), Plates of food, Funny sounding words of phrases that tickle the tongue (OH, my love for tongue twisters),Claps, when meant for applause. One clap is just odd. That is more appropriate when you want to redirect attention to yourself ((also known as hogging the spotlight from oh….me!))
  • Ignorance/ Stupidity is a fantastic card to play in an awkward situation.
  • The brain is the temple and the heart pays its rent.
  • Friendship is precious .There aren’t many people who accept a nutcase.
  • When there are no words to express how you feel, it must be a sign to shut up.
  • We have more potential then we know but since we did not get handed a manual to read or an instructional video to watch we will end up wasting our life.
  • The ability to think is magical but also the fact that there has yet to be invented a device that can read our thoughts,  exposing our individual plots to take over the world, or our cunning lies that passed by the individuals they were told to.Also,  *crossing fingers* any other imaginable horrible ending that has yet to occur is. (ideas have already been claimed by a movie director who plans to create a movie based on a horrible ending creating a movie like Jurassic Park.)
  • All men were originally meant to be created equal but then the printer jammed due to its heroic attempt to end what will become the destruction of Universe but failed and what resulted was mutation.

Not So Very Cute Pet Names

  • I love you, my little garbage can.
  • You’re the cutest, my moldy rock pointing north.
  • I couldn’t stop thinking of you, stinky Stella.
  • Oh you really shouldn’t have,  my expired egg salad sandwich.
  • Thank you so much, my monthly bill I act doesn’t exist.
  • Good morning, my wrinkly walrus.
  • How was your day, cow pie?
  • Your hair looks…alright better, my sweaty gym socks.

Be Proud of Blank, Not Blank

  • Be proud of surviving a shark bite.
  • Don’t be proud of not contracting cooties after being bit by your little sister.
  • Be proud that you tried something new.
  • Don’t be proud of unlocking yourself from the closet, making it to bedtime.
  • Be proud of getting a piece of string through the tiniest whole in the world,  located on a sewing needle.
  • Don’t be proud of making it alive after your house of playing  cards avalanche.
  • Be proud of finding time to spend with your children.
  • Don’t be proud of finding your “misplaced” child with only needing the assistance of an Amber Alert.

Have any of your own? Comment them below. (:

If You Could Mind!

It is the worst when your attempts to dagger someone in the heart with a mean retaliation comment fails to hit the target. As it it seems, me and those who suffer the same challenge have a difficult time with the follow through section of the mission. I would not mind one bit if the target helped by picking up the dagger and plunging it into himself, himself! The mission cannot be crossed off the list until I get some sort  of verbal understanding that I have been successful. Satisfied with ouchies and tears. (yes, tears speak).

How to Survive Life by Only Watching TV.

1.Choice of Television.

One which doesn’t give off so much radiation. That shortens your lifespan dramatically. These are the ones to avoid. My theory is the bigger the TV the better likelihood of producing offspring as smaller TVs focus those bad waves straight at the face. While the better quality large TV have a larger surface area so not so much of the radiation is on you and much more on your enemies (as your enemies are always right behind you stalking and are to blame for all your unexplainable tripping on flat surfaces).

2. Comfy Seat.

From love couches, bean bags, and spinning desk chairs with an armrest. Once you are sold with the sweet spot you’ve discovered, mark it with a sharpie because once you lose it, you never ever find it again. The couch will appreciate the new tattoo. Now he won’t seem like such a softy to the ladies.

3. Sustenance.

Get the yummy tasting food. If you decide to live the health junkie life style that supposedly increases life expectancy, lets face the truth, you will end up killing yourself for that choice. We need our daily dose of chocolate cake, chocolate bars, and our beloved chocolate milk which create the beautiful chocolate milk mustaches.

What Finals Have Done to Me.

Hello sweet world  sweet loving World.

Did I tell you that today? ^___^ Its true. Thanks for not exploding today, ending, killing me us all. Should I stop using hairspray now. From me, a token of gratitude. I believe that is  counter productive. Like not using this time to study for finals. Why?! DON’T QUESTION ME! I OWN you, World. You are welcome. You have yet to be exploded as that would not be a nice thing to do to my mom. She likes the flowers and the ability to breathe and ohhh….LIVE!! Also I really enjoy my mom’s food.

My point is… you(World)and I (Crazy Daisy) need to compromise.  You can continue your natural process of lava erupting volcanoes, tornadoes twirling like ballerinas, etc. etc. and  I will spit my gum where I please which are into napkins not my hair, hairspray the bananas out of my hair, and abuse my natural resources. Have you heard the saying: Mi casa es su casa? Lets apply it here. OKIE DOKIE. (: Anything else? THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT.  I take your silence as total agreement to everything I said and anything else I say in the future.

Love & Zombies,

Daisy

P.S. I have a couple of favors to ask.

  1. Don’t shift out or in  of alignment. Stay where you are.  Its just safer this way.
  2. Give me some shade when its needed. Yeah?

“FREEDOM!!!” Oh wait, I have to go to school…

Good-bye door.

Hello big fat fluffy black kitty.

Hello stairs.

Hello unclimbable tree.

Hello daddy of big fat fluffy black kitty.

Hello spot where dad’s car should be waiting for me.

Oh, hello daddy’s car.

Hello late daddy.

Hello red light making me late.

Good-bye red light making me late.

Hello bus people.

Hello freeway.

Hello road kill.

Good-bye green light.

Nobody wanted you anyways.

Hello car accident.

I hope you have insurance.

Hello school.

Good-bye late daddy.

Hello security guard.

Hello late speech.

Hello tardy slip.

Hello teacher.

Meet tardy slip.

Hello person in my seat.

Hello unwanted seat in the back.

Hello drawing on my desk I wish I hadn’t seen.

Meet Eraser.

No! Your ink powers are to powerful against my High-Polymer Eraser.

Hello whiteboard.

Sorry for staring.

Hello new pile of homework.

Good-bye undone homework.

Hello bell.

Good-bye friends.

Hello person who said hi.

Hello steep hill.

Hello longest line ever created by humans, literally.

Hello person I cut, not literally.

Hello food.

Hello second line.

Hello ID #.

Hello lost friends.

Hello seats.

Meet butt.

Hello food in tummy.

Hello bell.

Good-bye friends.

Hello Johns the Seagulls.

Hello last bell.

Hello door.

Hello teacher.

…………(Hello Future.)

Good-bye teacher.

Good- bye school.

Hello brother’s car.

Hello brother.

Hello unnecessary lyrics.

Hello traffic.

Good-bye brother and brother’s car.

Hello sidewalk.

Hello stairs.

Hello big fat fluffy black cat.

Did you get fatter?

We meet again, door.

Hello  door.

Hello home.

Hello floor meet backpack and shoes.

Hello sofa. Meet feet. Hello remote.

Hello T.V.

Hello Jersey Shore.

“Hello Daisy, thanks for tuning in and making us richer ”

Hello Homework. Good-bye T.V.

Hello distractions.

Hello Facebook. Hello Friends.

Good- bye friends.

We meet again homework.

Hello brain. Hello answers.

Good-bye homework.

Hello bed.

Hello pillow.

Hello blankets.

Hello T.V.

Good Night Daisy.

Hello sleep, I think I wanna’ marry you~