*YAWN* Here is the Morning News

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Not one of my best mornings.

Eyes closed. Yet feeling something patting my back. In a few seconds, my imagination went wild and I thought I as about to be killed.

…It was just my mom putting an extra blanket today…I freaked out.

Yelled at by mother for the “unappreciative” reaction.

Sleeping on the floor feels better than sleeping on my bed. Very BAD

Threw away the trash. Again my imagination got the best of me and it took me a moment to build up the courage and open up the trash bin’s lid. That murderer could have possibly been hiding there.

Ate breakfast. Still afraid.

ZombieGirl signing off!

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THREE…TWO…ONE… We’re still ali-*BOOM*

Just like Homer, the human race goes "D'OH!" after one too many plates of food.

Buffets consist of three main types of foods:

  • Eating food
  • Wasting food
  • Sneak in your mom’s purse food

The point at which you know its best to wire your mouth shut so to halt your hands from stuffing the mountains of food that it has gathered on your plate into it is when you realize it is the necessary method to keep all the food from coming back up “the road”, as it seems they changed their mind after seeing all the “traffic”.

Side effects of buffets are the following:

  • The inability to get out of chair and walk to your car (Though, a walk to the source of food is still miraculously possible)
  • Extreme sleepiness
  • In about two hours, hunger
  • The need to stand in line and wait for the green-light to enter of the very exclusive “Le Lavatory”
  • The ability to pass as a pregnant women or man (Ugh, those embarrassing stretch mark…commercials)
  • Traumatic flashbacks such as when searching for the food you were wanting a refill in was out and being forced to wait 15 minutes
  • Terrifying nightmares on being discovered that you lied about your age so you didn’t have to pay the adults fee or being discovered taking food home.
  • Mother’s purse smells like ribs and cheese cake, Yum!
  • The need to change clothes because you have reached and exceeded the number of maximum stains that are permissible as still clean to one’s personal standards
  • Petting one’s stomach to calm it down like it were a murderer with as thirst for blood and you, the hero, attempting to save numerous lives by soothing the murderers savage soul
  • Feeling like your about to explode and become a firework made from your organ system

Looking past these bullet points that can be viewed as both negative and positive, lets be grateful that we have the ability to surpass full on our stomach’s gauge. Lets be appreciative for the ability to use figurative language to connect our side-effects of over-consumption to things we have no actual experience to say it is true and, in fact,  it feels like said comparison. We can walk across rows and piles of food that all want to be picked and introduced to your lovely stomach acids. Are we guilty on the charges of committing foodicide? No, this practice is eternal bliss to the taste-buds.

Where is Peter Pan When I Need Him?!

I miss those days when I pretended to fall asleep on the drive back home so by the time we arrived home my parents would be forced to carry me like a spoiled princes inside. Or face the wrath of a grumpy brat. I would be placed on my bed and covered with my blanket quietly, as if a ritual were about to be performed on me. When they were about done,  I’d pretend to be slightly startled and ask if it was tomorrow. Once gone , I’d grab the remote and watch some hours of  well earned television.

Nowadays, I get yelled ta for being a snail coming out the car, getting interrupted in the middle of my false slumber. All because I need to help with the grocery bags..or whatever…

The Golden Rule: Finders Keepers

Its a very common occurrence that money appears right next to me when I wake up in the mornings. At first a smile is born on my sleepy face as I say to myself “FINDERS KEEPERS!”(Golden rule since childhood). Then all these ideas begin to develop on Andrew Jackson’s and I date, where I plan to leave him and take home something better. If not, the drive home is going top be awkward. I could spend him on something for my sweet tooth(sweet teeth, all teeth enjoy the sweet stuff), go watch a movie and spend the majority of my money on overpriced food once again.No! I will sneak in food in my bad. Ahh, those moments when you realize being a girl was just meant to be.

Then an idea shakes you like a piggy bank you know is hiding something from you. You have no proof the money is yours. The brother comes in and immediately spots your newly inherited currency and claims it as his own. I play it off easy so not to seem like the weakling and make come up with something witty to say such as:

The Tooth Fairy just wanted to drop off a little something for not losing anymore teeth at this age. She said something about the olden days and her first days on the job and toothless teenagers. She also began to rant about people dying from swallowing their dentures and suffocating because they have never seen those denture glue commercials, unlike me.(It shouldn’t be this way!)

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Let’s Be Real

“You Can’t Touch Music…..But Music Can Touch You”

-Regular Show

If that is truly what occurs….*shivers*

These ear buds my brother gave me who soon will come to a horrible demise really focus the energy from the songs belonging to the station you’re listening to on Pandora. And if I close my  eyes its just like  I am  actually in a dark secluded room (assumption on current room occupation) .And out of the walls’ mouth they sing a selection songs one could possibly enjoy.