How to Use Sparkles PROPERLY

  • Dump sparkles inside your toilet bowl. Sparkly toilet water is a change from the spiritless, unspectacular blue coloring sometimes added to toilet water.
  • Throw sparkles at the “cootie-phobic” , if you are a girl this is more effective due to the fact that you are making his ultimate fear seem like its become a reality.
  • Skip a bath. Splattering glitter all over your body gives the deceiving view that you are clean,  as sparkles suggest cleanliness and a lack of imperfections.*
  • Fill up nose with sparkles, sneeze towards desired direction,  and TA-FRICKEN-DA, a confetti machine!

Enjoy these light reflective particles to the fullest. Hopefully, you don’t get skin cancer while the sun activates their mesmerizing powers, so slap on some sunscreen! (upside:sparkles stick on easier)

*Studies have indicated it is likely for participants to be mistaken for a vampire, fairy, or hazardous towards society and as a result, are destroyed.

Where is Peter Pan When I Need Him?!

I miss those days when I pretended to fall asleep on the drive back home so by the time we arrived home my parents would be forced to carry me like a spoiled princes inside. Or face the wrath of a grumpy brat. I would be placed on my bed and covered with my blanket quietly, as if a ritual were about to be performed on me. When they were about done,  I’d pretend to be slightly startled and ask if it was tomorrow. Once gone , I’d grab the remote and watch some hours of  well earned television.

Nowadays, I get yelled ta for being a snail coming out the car, getting interrupted in the middle of my false slumber. All because I need to help with the grocery bags..or whatever…