THREE…TWO…ONE… We’re still ali-*BOOM*

Just like Homer, the human race goes "D'OH!" after one too many plates of food.

Buffets consist of three main types of foods:

  • Eating food
  • Wasting food
  • Sneak in your mom’s purse food

The point at which you know its best to wire your mouth shut so to halt your hands from stuffing the mountains of food that it has gathered on your plate into it is when you realize it is the necessary method to keep all the food from coming back up “the road”, as it seems they changed their mind after seeing all the “traffic”.

Side effects of buffets are the following:

  • The inability to get out of chair and walk to your car (Though, a walk to the source of food is still miraculously possible)
  • Extreme sleepiness
  • In about two hours, hunger
  • The need to stand in line and wait for the green-light to enter of the very exclusive “Le Lavatory”
  • The ability to pass as a pregnant women or man (Ugh, those embarrassing stretch mark…commercials)
  • Traumatic flashbacks such as when searching for the food you were wanting a refill in was out and being forced to wait 15 minutes
  • Terrifying nightmares on being discovered that you lied about your age so you didn’t have to pay the adults fee or being discovered taking food home.
  • Mother’s purse smells like ribs and cheese cake, Yum!
  • The need to change clothes because you have reached and exceeded the number of maximum stains that are permissible as still clean to one’s personal standards
  • Petting one’s stomach to calm it down like it were a murderer with as thirst for blood and you, the hero, attempting to save numerous lives by soothing the murderers savage soul
  • Feeling like your about to explode and become a firework made from your organ system

Looking past these bullet points that can be viewed as both negative and positive, lets be grateful that we have the ability to surpass full on our stomach’s gauge. Lets be appreciative for the ability to use figurative language to connect our side-effects of over-consumption to things we have no actual experience to say it is true and, in fact,  it feels like said comparison. We can walk across rows and piles of food that all want to be picked and introduced to your lovely stomach acids. Are we guilty on the charges of committing foodicide? No, this practice is eternal bliss to the taste-buds.

Where is Peter Pan When I Need Him?!

I miss those days when I pretended to fall asleep on the drive back home so by the time we arrived home my parents would be forced to carry me like a spoiled princes inside. Or face the wrath of a grumpy brat. I would be placed on my bed and covered with my blanket quietly, as if a ritual were about to be performed on me. When they were about done,  I’d pretend to be slightly startled and ask if it was tomorrow. Once gone , I’d grab the remote and watch some hours of  well earned television.

Nowadays, I get yelled ta for being a snail coming out the car, getting interrupted in the middle of my false slumber. All because I need to help with the grocery bags..or whatever…

“FREEDOM!!!” Oh wait, I have to go to school…

Good-bye door.

Hello big fat fluffy black kitty.

Hello stairs.

Hello unclimbable tree.

Hello daddy of big fat fluffy black kitty.

Hello spot where dad’s car should be waiting for me.

Oh, hello daddy’s car.

Hello late daddy.

Hello red light making me late.

Good-bye red light making me late.

Hello bus people.

Hello freeway.

Hello road kill.

Good-bye green light.

Nobody wanted you anyways.

Hello car accident.

I hope you have insurance.

Hello school.

Good-bye late daddy.

Hello security guard.

Hello late speech.

Hello tardy slip.

Hello teacher.

Meet tardy slip.

Hello person in my seat.

Hello unwanted seat in the back.

Hello drawing on my desk I wish I hadn’t seen.

Meet Eraser.

No! Your ink powers are to powerful against my High-Polymer Eraser.

Hello whiteboard.

Sorry for staring.

Hello new pile of homework.

Good-bye undone homework.

Hello bell.

Good-bye friends.

Hello person who said hi.

Hello steep hill.

Hello longest line ever created by humans, literally.

Hello person I cut, not literally.

Hello food.

Hello second line.

Hello ID #.

Hello lost friends.

Hello seats.

Meet butt.

Hello food in tummy.

Hello bell.

Good-bye friends.

Hello Johns the Seagulls.

Hello last bell.

Hello door.

Hello teacher.

…………(Hello Future.)

Good-bye teacher.

Good- bye school.

Hello brother’s car.

Hello brother.

Hello unnecessary lyrics.

Hello traffic.

Good-bye brother and brother’s car.

Hello sidewalk.

Hello stairs.

Hello big fat fluffy black cat.

Did you get fatter?

We meet again, door.

Hello  door.

Hello home.

Hello floor meet backpack and shoes.

Hello sofa. Meet feet. Hello remote.

Hello T.V.

Hello Jersey Shore.

“Hello Daisy, thanks for tuning in and making us richer ”

Hello Homework. Good-bye T.V.

Hello distractions.

Hello Facebook. Hello Friends.

Good- bye friends.

We meet again homework.

Hello brain. Hello answers.

Good-bye homework.

Hello bed.

Hello pillow.

Hello blankets.

Hello T.V.

Good Night Daisy.

Hello sleep, I think I wanna’ marry you~