The Language of Confusion

Mhmm. Mhmm. Yes,  I understand completely.

NO! Stop saying that. When we say that we just want the confusion to end, its unfair. We need to reverse this whole situation, making sure the b of the a conversation lose this conversation.

  1. YES, conversations are competitions of wit.
  2. YES, We refer to ourselves as the a person because a is the first number, ergo you are already #1 by being a. (A boost of confidence never hurt anyone, except those who use steroids)

Reverse the confusion. Try not following their logic. Throw any logic you had out the window! There is no logic in warfare. Its all about the facial expression that delivers the wit. Be strong, but mostly menacing. You know you are the winner when the b cringes, refuses to gracefully acknowledge  the eyeballs locked in your sockets, and responds to names such as coward, chicken, or wimp.

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How to Solve a Runny Nose

Its that time of year when everyone gets the flu. As much as we want to get sick to stay home and watch endless hours of TV, we have needs; attaining some physical interactions and practicing our freedoms outdoors.

FIRST, lets view the positives of this situation:

  • Avoiding that conversation you would have to go through because you let something slip out that really shouldn’t have.
  • Malfunctioning nose is good. Now all the stink of your brother does not exist. Neither does the smell of the burning food in the oven  that you were suppose to turn off.
  • No more pretending to be sick and tragically failing, forcing us to go through our day following through with our commitments.
  • Finally achieving that seclusion people always denied from you.
  • You’ve stuck a gold mine, CONGRATS! Bottle the leakage and sell it to those who wish to be sick and join in the bullet points mentioned above.

The list of positives encourages a reader to maintain their runny nose  as long as possible, but this is because there is no not actual necessity, in my eyes, to solve this blessing.

If you just can’t stand the idea that a microscopic virus has decided to run havoc on your immune system, then, I GUESS, we should fix this problem once and for all…here is guidance to all you cream puffs:

  • Any object will do the fix the leaky faucet on your face, but I suggest when stuffing your nose with things labeled “for external use only”, to not choose an objects that will become lodged Also nothing too sharp but sharp is still okay. BTW: Corks are made especially for job.
  • Have some fun, shove Kleenex up the desired nostril. Hold down the unclogged nostril and ignite you snot wade launcher with a five-star (tissue?)  sneeze. Then stuff both nostrils after you believe its all clear.

Enjoy your household’s flu epidemic.  (:

If You Could Mind!

It is the worst when your attempts to dagger someone in the heart with a mean retaliation comment fails to hit the target. As it it seems, me and those who suffer the same challenge have a difficult time with the follow through section of the mission. I would not mind one bit if the target helped by picking up the dagger and plunging it into himself, himself! The mission cannot be crossed off the list until I get some sort  of verbal understanding that I have been successful. Satisfied with ouchies and tears. (yes, tears speak).