How to Celebrate Success: The Ingredients

Grub: Being  successful-aire  must make you hungry,  after stepping on the other people who had to lose in order for you to win. Enjoy delectable food.  It would be a shame to spend all your  money on that expensive, microscopic servings  mushes of food passed as cuisine.  The successful have feasts.

Confetti: Colorful if your delighted with the turn of events. If this success was the opposite of what you were expecting and hoping for, throw sharp tacks.

Giant banner: Rub it into people’s faces.  Splurge on some lights. Place the banner on billboard.

Megaphone: Go around your town and proclaim your success. You will feel better when you see the jealous faces in angry crowd form. Next step: Go statewide.

Adopt: Not a baby, those things halts any future success.  Dog and cats are the second best choice for the successful. The most photogenic are the best investment, as you will be taking an annual photo, you on a big chair with your furry  creature right at you feet,  that will  be sent to your best friends, family, but most importantly your enemies.  Purchase a car, just not a yellow colored sports car. Those are for the plain stupid.

Donate: The  cause you decide upon will reflect how successful you truly are.If you choose to donate to one of those TV commercial of starving children, you only make those fat spokes people richer. You must give your money to the needy football players. They sign million dollar contracts that force them to relinquish all rights, enslaving them, turning them into one monstrous muscle instead of human being. You are the only one who understands those poor sore muscles.

Vacation: This could be taken in many forms. Mentally;Hire someone else to do the dirty work but make them sign one of those contracts like those for football players except with a microscopic version of the pay so you can take credit for great discoveries yet blame them for any blunders. Physically; it’s the same as mentally, just in different location. It could be locating yourself two inches from where you originally stood before the success. The vacation is necessary to guarantee you won’t go crazy any time soon.

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So You Want To Look Pretty

Have you have gotten to the point in your life where you want to start looking “pretty”? Your starting line, I like to call  ‘desperation‘.

Goals:

  • Get the oo’s & ahh’s
  • Cute shoes compliments
  • Is that fake?..It must be fake…
  • What a..unique face
  • The pointed fingers at your direction
  • Camera flashes in your direction
  • Close up facial analyzations
  • Special feature on the Yahoo news slideshow
  • Potato sack full of compliments, give or take a few spuds
  • The acceptance of our *FINGERS CROSSED* one day zombie society

Prep:

Take a bath (reduce stress & stench). Take a picture with a collection of fuzzy animals. People think the creature is cute. You hugging cute organism, not too hard that you suffocate it meaning go 100000 steps backwards, the cute fleas that were once attached to the animal are now on you. You have successfully “borrowed” its cuteness.

The Metamorphosis:

Now you are cute. Not Pretty. Advice: Its not pretty to settle.  It means you are lazy. Pull out your “pretty”. Suggestions: For women some fake lashes, hair brush, and confidence. For men a toothbrush, muscles, cologne. (From where do you get all these ingredients? Internet or a run–of–the–mill robbery)

Take the objects your could obtain, use as directed, approach someone, and order them to satisfy your goals.

Being “pretty” is ugly to watch.