How to Use Sparkles PROPERLY

  • Dump sparkles inside your toilet bowl. Sparkly toilet water is a change from the spiritless, unspectacular blue coloring sometimes added to toilet water.
  • Throw sparkles at the “cootie-phobic” , if you are a girl this is more effective due to the fact that you are making his ultimate fear seem like its become a reality.
  • Skip a bath. Splattering glitter all over your body gives the deceiving view that you are clean,  as sparkles suggest cleanliness and a lack of imperfections.*
  • Fill up nose with sparkles, sneeze towards desired direction,  and TA-FRICKEN-DA, a confetti machine!

Enjoy these light reflective particles to the fullest. Hopefully, you don’t get skin cancer while the sun activates their mesmerizing powers, so slap on some sunscreen! (upside:sparkles stick on easier)

*Studies have indicated it is likely for participants to be mistaken for a vampire, fairy, or hazardous towards society and as a result, are destroyed.

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Christmas Tree

Sparkly. Big. Beautiful. With  a history I’d rather not hear. Lets start out fresh. Natural. Smelly. In a good way though. Green with Chloroplasts that are near death. Ticking time bombs. Then the tree will be brown. Unwanted. On the curb. (which isn’t really that curby) Next to the trash can. Then nowhere in sight. Lasted only a month. Longest. Relationship. Ever.