So You Want To Look Pretty

Have you have gotten to the point in your life where you want to start looking “pretty”? Your starting line, I like to call  ‘desperation‘.

Goals:

  • Get the oo’s & ahh’s
  • Cute shoes compliments
  • Is that fake?..It must be fake…
  • What a..unique face
  • The pointed fingers at your direction
  • Camera flashes in your direction
  • Close up facial analyzations
  • Special feature on the Yahoo news slideshow
  • Potato sack full of compliments, give or take a few spuds
  • The acceptance of our *FINGERS CROSSED* one day zombie society

Prep:

Take a bath (reduce stress & stench). Take a picture with a collection of fuzzy animals. People think the creature is cute. You hugging cute organism, not too hard that you suffocate it meaning go 100000 steps backwards, the cute fleas that were once attached to the animal are now on you. You have successfully “borrowed” its cuteness.

The Metamorphosis:

Now you are cute. Not Pretty. Advice: Its not pretty to settle.  It means you are lazy. Pull out your “pretty”. Suggestions: For women some fake lashes, hair brush, and confidence. For men a toothbrush, muscles, cologne. (From where do you get all these ingredients? Internet or a run–of–the–mill robbery)

Take the objects your could obtain, use as directed, approach someone, and order them to satisfy your goals.

Being “pretty” is ugly to watch.

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Not So Very Cute Pet Names

  • I love you, my little garbage can.
  • You’re the cutest, my moldy rock pointing north.
  • I couldn’t stop thinking of you, stinky Stella.
  • Oh you really shouldn’t have,  my expired egg salad sandwich.
  • Thank you so much, my monthly bill I act doesn’t exist.
  • Good morning, my wrinkly walrus.
  • How was your day, cow pie?
  • Your hair looks…alright better, my sweaty gym socks.