C’mon, Just One More Thing?

What should go in our bags but just by fate or because of distractions does not.

Toothpicks: Self defence must always be keep warmed up in the brain as a thought. Toothpicks are the most economical and compact choice, when it comes to being safe. And if you went out for dinner at a steak house, the toothpick is great for dessert. YAY for Fiber!…Nay to polyester fibers!

Ruler: These things are your best pals as they are excellent when it comes to winning bets.  Be one with the ruler. Once spending enough time with the ruler, you will be able to tell the length of  any an object, ranging from one to twelve inches or one to 30 centimeters.

Gum: Bags need to have a built-in  special compartment that locks  up one strip of  gum and only opens when your breath secretes a smell that proves your breath has escalated to a code red status alert,  you have halitosis and need a quick fix. Gum is the edible, but not recommended to be ingested, duct tape.

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Public Awareness Campaign: Just Say No, For the Love of God, Please.

rubbing feet:

Similar to coming in contact with garlic, the smell permeates the skin. Unlike garlic, feet do not leave an appetizing smell.

the creeps:

Kindness is something that should be practiced more often, but this cannot be done when a person pops your personal space bubble. In addition, they don’t really have candy.

the children:

These little boogers are not necessary to complete a lifespan. There is no actual need to be a mother, just a need to rule over a slave and take a person’s natural rights with the excuse of “because.”

the  moocher:

A once respectable friend who has the aspiration of being a bum.

the doctors:

How do they know?!?! As long as everyone else in the world gets the shot, I won’t need to.

the pressure brought on vampire adorers:

Team Garlic & Ringworm . WWIII is sure to be instigated by pop culture tensions.

the ads with tiny words that are useless to place on the commercial:

Its a scam.

the ads with asterisk next to free:

Its not free

closing you eyes and pet/eat this:

To agree to this is to agree to the possible loss of fingers, arm, or taste-buds.

a volunteer for an experimental drug:

The money is not worth all the side effects (i.e. death)

contracts:

They are the professional way of scamming people.

being all alone in the dark:

Your imagination will have enough of imagining killer clowns, floating roaches, monsters, ghosts, escaped convicts, or sideshow bob  and eat itself like your stomach when you starve yourself of the comfort of food.