The Point of Waiting

Some say it taste sweet, then savory after chewing.

That sensation can only be felt by those who don’t scarf down life.

Those who are unable to wait have never listened to a red light.

Some fear that by waiting, they will become “waiting”, frozen in time and the wait yields no reward.

 

Tips to master…

Waiting

  • Order pizza. Tell them to deliver “30 minutes or more”
  • Brush teeth tooth by tooth.*
  • Instead of eating dessert last, eat it next week
  • Wait for the mail on Sunday
  • FREEZE. You  have frostbite. All that functions is your brain. Oh, an avalanche has made impossible  for you to return to your cozy home.  Helicopters will (most likely) arrive in 15- 20 business day
  • Wait for the signal.

 

*time varies on an individual’s dental history.

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Appearance Vs. Reality

Bald Men:

If you’re that kind of gal who always need to see her reflection yet never carries a handy dandy mirror, a bald man will comfort your insatiable desire. Make sure he waxes his bald spot so his shine allows you to check your teeth.

Bunnies:

Hidden behind their luscious meadow of fluff are teeth that were the inspiration for the guillotine

Rainbow:

An dream that will continue to be a dream.And only in the dream will it become an reality. When there is no  method of transportation to reach the end, find a pot of gold, a  a leprechaun that would of been a really great friend.

TV Commercials:

No money, No care. I really don’t trust strangers, especially their opinions

Reflection:

They don’t speak and we can’t turn out heads our heads 180 degrees to see our back side. Cue evil laughs for unseen chewed gum and statically charged undies stuck on butt

Box:

DO NOT OPEN.  You do not want to be involved. The box will remain a box, not a tampered box where you are the prime suspect in changing the status of it.

Stares:

Learn to interpret, not to read. Eyes are not books. Any misinterpretation will result in stalkers or restraining orders.

How Do You Like Your Eggs?

Waiter/Mom/Person, name you forgot and are too embarrassed to ask again:

    How would you like your eggs?

The starving/Mommy’s boy/Planning to dine and dash:

    I’d like my eggs…

 

  • Scrambled like the people unprepared for a fire drill.
  • In the shape of an egg but no traces of actual egg.
  • Scrumdiddlyumptious.
  • Hot. On a plate, cold.
  • I can’t have eggs until I reach level 98.
  • Stabbed and left to bleed like a crime screen.
  • I never ordered eggs…
  • Chummy with a chance of meatballs.
  • With its mommy. So me and my mom can bond on our date.
  • Fully clothed.
  • Sunny side defying gravity
  • Egotistical.
  • In an omelet.
  • Heart-stopping.
  • Fluent in Shakespearean insults
  • To disappear.
  • Perfect, or off with your head!
  • Tan, AKA deep-fried.
  • Smushed as if it were stepped on by the stampede at the doors of Wal-Mart.
  • Juggled
  • Dyed; Hidden by an Easter bunny in the forest; eggs containing either candy or money, preferably money, but unfortunately, beggars can’t be choosers.

Oh yeah, hurry it up wont’cha?

Would You Care For More ‘Blah’ Sir?

blahblahblahblahblahmustgethobbyblahblahwhydoiwantmorefood

ifiiateblahblahgettingmylicensewillhopefullywillnotbelikeaschool

exambecauseiusuallyforgeteverythingafterexitingtheclassblah

turtlenecksarejustsocksfornecksblahhopeidon’tendupmisspelling

blahwhileiblahsomemoreihavenoticedwheniamborediwritelalalala

continuouslyincursiveblahblahiswhatallthismustsoundlikeblahblah

similartowhenwespeakyetwedon’treallysayblahblahwejustimplyit

blahiwascurtiuosenoughtoaddnecessaryapostrophesbutspaces

orcommastheblahblahblahshouldbesomewhatofacomprrmisetilmy

blahblahrampagehascometoanendblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah

robots.updates.weareofficiallytoast&… back to robots.

(Those robots need to have some educational classes  before they go through their own overpopulation crisis.)

The future  robots to be created better be designed to not have a likelihood of developing emotions such as the jealousy,  and hatred,which will ultimately cause them ol’ robots to have a thirst for destruction.

Woe is me!: Do not think by upgrading your robot pet to the untested  self-destruction  button, as this will most certainly backfire. I am pretty sure the robots are not affected when it  sacrifices his construction  to destroy in  the explosion humans because the robot’ s artificial intelligence is able  to reassemble the “ka-boom’d bot”.

If I were a robot created in a world where my comrades had been falsely stereotyped  before  and after robotic existence in dance moves, numerous sci- fi and comedy flicks, and my fellow mechanisms were forced into the slavery to do that which the sugar fueled organisms are too defective to accomplish,   I would do the following, not bothering to solve  world peace but to accomplish sweet,  sweet revenge and destruction.

I would refuse to do what humans do to their iPods, update. Soon the humans’ power will cripple and eventually never function. Next, I will drizzle oil on  them as well as over them. Awaiting for a sound similar to popcorn kernels popping, at the first pop, I will let it continuously pop for three minutes. Being alert and ready to end this simulation when I recognize a gap of three seconds between pops. Entering the area of popping, I remind myself that it is possible that there is going to be one last goof of a  kernel to pop, this way  I do not scare the fecal matter out of my unsuspecting bowels, or since I am a robot, bolts and screws? Once everything looks completely popped or at least took an effort to pop, revenge complete.

LOVE: The Leaking of Various Emotions

Its an emotion that can cause destruction, stalking, fictitious butterflies in the tummy. On the other side of the spectrum, it can cause bliss, surprise, and the regeneration of energy in the human soul.

Just because emotions are not tangible does not mean they do not exist. Love is something real. Its just some of use have not experienced it or cannot identify it even if it slapped them in the face or stabbed them in the buttock.

Be on the watch for these symptoms:

  • A butt cramp/Stabbing feeling in butt area/Arrow lodged in butt cheek from unidentified bow and archer.
  • A mushy feeling wreaking havoc on ones mental. Feeling as  light as a feather and deceiving you to have the ability to float is common. DO NOT attempt jumping or even coming close to the edge of a cliff.
  • A comforting feeling when with family. Yet an awkward feeling when a it is between a boy or girl you have proclaimed it to and all they have to say in return to say is thanks.
  • With family, love is forced upon you to feel and express. Yet when its the duty of the other family members, it is repetitively forgotten.

Public Awareness Campaign: Just Say No, For the Love of God, Please.

rubbing feet:

Similar to coming in contact with garlic, the smell permeates the skin. Unlike garlic, feet do not leave an appetizing smell.

the creeps:

Kindness is something that should be practiced more often, but this cannot be done when a person pops your personal space bubble. In addition, they don’t really have candy.

the children:

These little boogers are not necessary to complete a lifespan. There is no actual need to be a mother, just a need to rule over a slave and take a person’s natural rights with the excuse of “because.”

the  moocher:

A once respectable friend who has the aspiration of being a bum.

the doctors:

How do they know?!?! As long as everyone else in the world gets the shot, I won’t need to.

the pressure brought on vampire adorers:

Team Garlic & Ringworm . WWIII is sure to be instigated by pop culture tensions.

the ads with tiny words that are useless to place on the commercial:

Its a scam.

the ads with asterisk next to free:

Its not free

closing you eyes and pet/eat this:

To agree to this is to agree to the possible loss of fingers, arm, or taste-buds.

a volunteer for an experimental drug:

The money is not worth all the side effects (i.e. death)

contracts:

They are the professional way of scamming people.

being all alone in the dark:

Your imagination will have enough of imagining killer clowns, floating roaches, monsters, ghosts, escaped convicts, or sideshow bob  and eat itself like your stomach when you starve yourself of the comfort of food.

How to Solve a Runny Nose

Its that time of year when everyone gets the flu. As much as we want to get sick to stay home and watch endless hours of TV, we have needs; attaining some physical interactions and practicing our freedoms outdoors.

FIRST, lets view the positives of this situation:

  • Avoiding that conversation you would have to go through because you let something slip out that really shouldn’t have.
  • Malfunctioning nose is good. Now all the stink of your brother does not exist. Neither does the smell of the burning food in the oven  that you were suppose to turn off.
  • No more pretending to be sick and tragically failing, forcing us to go through our day following through with our commitments.
  • Finally achieving that seclusion people always denied from you.
  • You’ve stuck a gold mine, CONGRATS! Bottle the leakage and sell it to those who wish to be sick and join in the bullet points mentioned above.

The list of positives encourages a reader to maintain their runny nose  as long as possible, but this is because there is no not actual necessity, in my eyes, to solve this blessing.

If you just can’t stand the idea that a microscopic virus has decided to run havoc on your immune system, then, I GUESS, we should fix this problem once and for all…here is guidance to all you cream puffs:

  • Any object will do the fix the leaky faucet on your face, but I suggest when stuffing your nose with things labeled “for external use only”, to not choose an objects that will become lodged Also nothing too sharp but sharp is still okay. BTW: Corks are made especially for job.
  • Have some fun, shove Kleenex up the desired nostril. Hold down the unclogged nostril and ignite you snot wade launcher with a five-star (tissue?)  sneeze. Then stuff both nostrils after you believe its all clear.

Enjoy your household’s flu epidemic.  (:

Double Date with Boredom? ANYONE?!

As Wiki Likes to say:

Boredom is an emotional state experienced when an individual is left without anything in particular to do, and is not interested in their surroundings. The first recorded use of the word boredom is in the novel Bleak House by Charles Dickens,  written in 1852, in which it appears six times, although the expression “to be a bore” had been used in the sense of  “to be tiresome or dull” since 1768.

I say that’s enough of a history lesson for  the day.

I ask for all who read this post for some help.  Scavenge through  the internet for some way to annihilate boredom from our good people. I only know of a few and need a more compiled list of  activities  because after what I thought would solve this problem becomes boring itself.

  1. The “Name Game”: banana fana fo fana (if only someone explained its dynamics to me)
  2. Stand on a street curb, close your eyes, imagine you are up on a high cliff and jump or step off.
  3. Attempt to communicate with people as if you were a mummy.
  4. Lay down on your back still and see how good of a corpse you are.
  5. Stand out in front of a street and wave at the cars that go by.
  6. On those special occasions, try to get as close as possible to the end of a rainbow.