Lets Make People Think You Fell Off the Face of the Earth

Why?

  • Need that room finally achieve 24hrs of sleep?
  • Need peace and quiet  to plot your never-ending and enviable vaca?
  • Have you had enough of the shoving and pushing at the supermarket, especially on those day (i.e., the Super Bowl or Thanksgiving)?
  • Have you received the sufficient dosage of parental required social interaction?
  • Would you rather have your money collect dust than go on unnecessary  and time consuming shopping sprees?
  • Afraid of catching a curable yet “I would rather not taking any chances” sickness?

How?

Become unattractive: Lets be realistic, if this is your favorable choice of life, no one cares or  wants to be recognize your existence.

Perform an offensive action: The comment, action, subliminal message must be rude yet generate enough fear, discomfort, and hostility to have people remove you off their yearly Christmas card list.

Become the disgrace of the human race: It probably not that  hard.  It happens…

Have all registrations unregistered: Deactivate any library cards, birth certificates, multiple nationalities, email addresses, magazine subscriptions, Facebook accounts, cellphones…smash your mailbox while your at it. Burn all documents if resistance against your choice of life persists.

When?

  • Desperate for an alternative instead of declaring bankruptcy.
  • No so desperate but the teenage brain has made you believe the zit is one of many to develop so you must be hidden while its being tested for a cure, before people see this dot which really is a freckle.
  • In no rush but just doing what one knows will happen , by force, if not done later.
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Could It Be Any Simpler? Actually, YES!

It is this belief influenced by a myth accepted as the law that explains why Earth is round.  If you squeeze  your pennies real tight in your palms, once you open your hand and discover a quarter with a creepy lookin’ face winking at you, and VOILÀ! You have won yourself a one way trip to the gumball machine.

If detail is just addition, since I am in High school (my credentials),  I must be correct when I say subtraction is the evil twin of addition. Subtraction is unaware that life has more to offer, such as bedazzling, iron on patches (both from scouts or self awarding/purchased), and adjectives.

The Plain Jane in life is subtraction. The benefits of becoming/embracing life as a simpleton are excellent, all we need to do is halt our needy baby ways. We can conserve energy, therefore buying the human race time before the gaping hole in the ozone layer removes our bodies from the safety of the atmosphere like if we were the prize in a crane machine. A skilled player, that global warming.

If we were to adapt our personalities to a  simple state of mind, we would probably get less of those impatient, confused,  hesitant looks after speaking.

Story Time: At my school a club is selling Valentine’s day grams at $1/25 words. I reckon I can get around the cost by not spelling every word completely, voiding the words as being actual words. Yes, my friends will have to work a little harder, but I am only complying with their request of being less detailed. This method reduces confusion right? I have given them a Valentine and a game, that is all.

Life is not meant to be simple because we are more then a cluster of cells. We are  many clusters of cells attached to additional clusters of cells attached all together, each with their own label. (Detail!)

Life is meant to be bedazzled until the eyes burn. Take this as a sign to stop, only if you would like to keep your eyesight intact. Though there is a place where associating the least amount of detail possible is a life saver. When sharing those stories where we apply the idea “I didn’t tell you because you didn’t ask”.

Step 1. Quickly and Casually Analyze Door.

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To avoid lookin’ like an Idiot when you failed at opening it. Implies you fail at opening soda cans. Also the simple things in life. Its okay though. Life should come with an instructional video, not manual as we wouldn’t even open it unless it had a hundred dollar bill inside and a coupon for a free large pizza. Lets just be good looking when we act like idiots so we get a nice shiny trophy.