Where is Peter Pan When I Need Him?!

I miss those days when I pretended to fall asleep on the drive back home so by the time we arrived home my parents would be forced to carry me like a spoiled princes inside. Or face the wrath of a grumpy brat. I would be placed on my bed and covered with my blanket quietly, as if a ritual were about to be performed on me. When they were about done,  I’d pretend to be slightly startled and ask if it was tomorrow. Once gone , I’d grab the remote and watch some hours of  well earned television.

Nowadays, I get yelled ta for being a snail coming out the car, getting interrupted in the middle of my false slumber. All because I need to help with the grocery bags..or whatever…

Things I Should Mention Next Time We See Each Other.

…but won’t.

Why you ask?!?! 


Everyone Loves Surprises.

  • I need more cash because all the little you gave me, I already spent.
  • I’ve taken your identity as my own to buy this BRAND NEW CAR!!!
  • You know that thing you said not to tell another soul. Well you know me…slip of the tongue…
  • There is a bomb under your seat.
  • Speak up. This conversation is being monitored.
  • I’ve forged your signature countless times.
  • I left the gate open , letting your dog escape. I hate that dog.
  • Your pains that hurt like hell are a result from the numerous pricks I inflicted to your voodoo doll.
  • I never loved you.