Welcome to the Boring Infomercial

We are (no so) very sorry to interrupt your (more important and interesting) TV show for BREAKING NEWS! (Nothing is actually broken… rarely!) Have you heard of the JUNK™?

Welcome to the Boring Infomercial

Well here is your one in a life time chance to get your hands (or foot and even tongue) on JUNK™!

JUNK™ is the most useless thing you will EVER purchase (this is the only true fact I will say).

WHAAAT? YEAH!

Hard thing to swallow ain’t it?

That’s how I feel about my vitamins.

So as I was bragging, JUNK™ is sparkly.

AWESOME?!  I KNOW!!! I own two! No wait…27.

You can own JUNK™.

It is very simple.

Call a phone number, any. Don’t believe them (modest people) if they claim to not sell JUNK™.

Give the machine operator, Mr. Killer Robot all your credit card information, your home address, All relatives home address and also your friends, PLUS anyone  else’s you happen to know. Give their phone number and most recent picture of them.

The phone call will proceed with asking some personal questions like:

Do you have a crush, how many cats do you own, would anyone care if you disappeared for a while? Forever? Is this conversation being monitored/ recorded? Would you like more JUNK™? What are you wearing? Team Edward or Jacob? Have you ever used drugs? Can you get me some? Can you eat my shorts? And what’s up? You order should be delivered as soon as I—silence–

Don’t worry; the killer robot must have (obviously) gone under a tunnel.

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Appearance Vs. Reality

Bald Men:

If you’re that kind of gal who always need to see her reflection yet never carries a handy dandy mirror, a bald man will comfort your insatiable desire. Make sure he waxes his bald spot so his shine allows you to check your teeth.

Bunnies:

Hidden behind their luscious meadow of fluff are teeth that were the inspiration for the guillotine

Rainbow:

An dream that will continue to be a dream.And only in the dream will it become an reality. When there is no  method of transportation to reach the end, find a pot of gold, a  a leprechaun that would of been a really great friend.

TV Commercials:

No money, No care. I really don’t trust strangers, especially their opinions

Reflection:

They don’t speak and we can’t turn out heads our heads 180 degrees to see our back side. Cue evil laughs for unseen chewed gum and statically charged undies stuck on butt

Box:

DO NOT OPEN.  You do not want to be involved. The box will remain a box, not a tampered box where you are the prime suspect in changing the status of it.

Stares:

Learn to interpret, not to read. Eyes are not books. Any misinterpretation will result in stalkers or restraining orders.